Home > Brief conversations between sea-based creatures and their land-based namesakes (writing, 2010)

SEA HORSE: You're quite a majestic creature. I am happy we share a name.
HORSE: Yep, me too, actually. You're very pretty.

SEA LION: You're the king of the jungle, right? Awesome! I am happy we share a name, although I think you might be a tad disappointed with me.
LION: Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a wee bit perplexed, but you seem nice enough.

SEA URCHIN: You're a bit dirty. Maybe you'd smell nicer if you had a wash, young man.
URCHIN: Cor blimey, guv'nor, if it ain't a talkin' spikey thing! Spare us a shilling?

CAT FISH: I've seen you on the Internet, you're funny. You can has cheezburger! LOL!
CAT: Oh shush, you damn fool, I'm trying to take a nap.

SEA CUCUMBER: Really? A fucking vegetable?
CUCUMBER: Well actually, I taste marvellous in a fancy English sandwich at afternoon tea.

SEA OTTER: Oh, we kinda look the same. I can see why we've got the same name. So what's the deal? You don't like salt?
OTTER: Watching my sodium, dude.

SPERM WHALE: Yeah, right. It's all a big joke to you, isn't it? Arty beardy speccy-four-eyes man writing crap about animals on his bloody Web site, thinking it's all a great big joke... What, not got any baseball to watch today, you boring fucking nerdy loser?