Day seven
I hate stopping smoking. It just fucks with my life. Everything I do is seen through a filter of hate, a filter that used to be a cigarette smoke haze. The nicotine may be gone from my system, but I’m still not over its effects. Sleeping badly, lack of concentration, all-consuming thoughts of SMOKE SMOKE SMOKE gloriously filling my lungs. And there’s hatred towards those pussies who smoked half a cigarette a month and claim that giving up was “really easy, actually.”
Do things smell or taste better? I’m not sure.
Do I feel better? Actually, yeh, I do a bit. If only cos my fear of dying has receded a little.
Do I feel worse? Yes, I like cigarettes.
But I have replaced them with a variety of crap: muchos coffee, gummi bears and chewing gum. Spicy things are good, too. Anything that gives my mouth that nnnnggggggh! sort of kick that cig smoke used to give it.
Moments come along where I’m like whatsisname in Fight Club, wanting random acts of pure hate to watch so I can fill the void with something: seeing everyone who ever picked up an acoustic guitar to try and learn Nick Drake songs all lined up in a row and cut in half horizontally with a big fucking chainsaw… that kinda stuff.
You know who I hate most of all, though (and I’m not gonna say ‘me’ even though I am mainly to blame for this cigarette problem)? The person who I hate the most right now is the dude in the current Gauloises poster ads around Berlin, smiling in his haw hee haw Frenchy Parisian lovely street, living his perfect fucking life with a fag in his hand. What a cunt.
Anyway… Minipops, eh? Aren’t they grrrrreat!?
Good grief Charlie Brown!
Haven’t you tired Nicorettes or something and gone for the weaning off approach instead of complete cold turkey?
CoCo
26 Oct 05 at 10:39
cold turkey! its the only way! just stop!
pff, stop your weakness!
Bryony
26 Oct 05 at 10:55
i just stopped smoking five weeks ago, and i think i just passed out of the hatred for everything everywhere bit of it all, so it gets better, whatever that means.
but i did want to mention that you should be at least passively pleased to be quitting in the fall. the last time i tried to quit was in the middle of the summer last year, and it was terrible because all i could smell after about a month was trash and urine baking in the sun.
anyway, good luck.
Anonymous
26 Oct 05 at 11:07
Stop being so fucking grumpy. It’ll pass. Give it a month. What’s a month in someone’s life? And it’s JUST fags. Try to put things back into perspective.
I went through it, I know it’s shit but it won’t last forever.
Go to boxing class or something.
G
Anonymous
26 Oct 05 at 11:35
Glad you liked the Nick Drake ;)
I’m rubbish at offering clichéd quitting advice or encouragement, so i’ll just say good luck. Good luck.
ed
26 Oct 05 at 11:55
I’m sorry Craig. Cheer up and watch these! When i found them this morning they reminded me of you:
http://x2.putfile.com/10/29405035849.gif
http://x2.putfile.com/10/29700173131.gif
Andrew Kopietz
26 Oct 05 at 12:00
kudos for the effort!
i don’t even bother.
will keep checking to see how successful u are.
what possesses one to stick to something that makes them so very miserable though? all the health hazard issues aside of course…
the very best of luck!
cheries
26 Oct 05 at 12:02
Yeah, tyr nicorette patches. Pop one over each eye and then you won’t be able to see your fags! Alternatively, sleep for the next six weeks and wake up fresh and free from cravings. (Make sure you eat a hearty meal first though and put some biccies down for Billy.)
Benji
26 Oct 05 at 13:06
Its a week for me too dammit although i enjoy going up stairs without getting out of breath.
Kate
26 Oct 05 at 16:35
I think it’s time for a cartoon of this whole ordeal.
Thoroughly Amused
26 Oct 05 at 17:30
Aw Craig, you filled the void of smoking with cussing! As a New Yorker, I’m so proud of you!
Maybe the spicy thing is the trick. Keep it up! And good luck!
P.S. Yes, I agree with Mr. thoroughly amused over there from the last post.
Lisa
27 Oct 05 at 01:03