Flip Flop Flying

Jumping frog

with 11 comments

Have you ever watched how people behave in IKEA? Specifically at the post-Hell hot dog place. Thinking back, visits to IKEA in London were similar to those in Berlin. So I’m guessing it’s a worldwide thing: there’s just some things which you will always see.

1. One half of a couple stood looking bored next to an empty table, waiting for their partner to come back with two hot dogs and empty cups to put Fanta in. In fact, I’d guess at any one time over 50% of the available tables aren’t actually being used, just occupied by a person and their jumbo trolley.

2. When adding sauce and toppings to hot dogs people go a bit mental. Seeing as though it’s kind of free, people put on way too much ketchup and mustard and crispy onions and gherkins. And if there’s a couple of people ahead of them using the onions and the gherkins, people tend to look like alcoholics waiting for the pub to open: hands shaking, eyes darting around, I’m next! I’m next!

3. Upon returning to their table, folks always – always – look up when they are eating their hot dogs. Man brings hot dog up towards mouth. Man lowers and tilts head slightly, meeting the hot dog part-way. Man opens mouth wider than ever before. Hot dog enters mouth. Man’s eyes instinctively focus on something on the ceiling about ten metres away. Mouth closes. Chewing begins.

Anyway, in case you’re interested: towels, some new cutlery, a mat for the bathroom, and another one to go next to the front door.

Written by Craig

January 23rd, 2006 at 12:31 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

11 Responses to 'Jumping frog'

Subscribe to comments with RSS or TrackBack to 'Jumping frog'.

  1. I love frogs! :D

    Sorry… I’m french… :)

    GrandK

    23 Jan 06 at 2:02 pm

  2. …albuquerque

    I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had an argument with their partner in Ikea. It is one of those places that brings out the worst in people.

    CoCo

    23 Jan 06 at 3:33 pm

  3. Funny this – I happened to be in the Glasgow branch yesterday afternoon. It was relatively pleasant and relaxed for an IKEA trip, and then came the hot dogs…
    Suffice it to say we gave up because every last vestige of civilisation seemed to have been drained from the assembled crowd in some metre long zone between checkout and food concession.

    Oh, and the booty comprised: some cushions, a roasting tin, some candles, a nice pale purple throw, a rug for the foot of the bed, wine glasses, a bin, and one of those in-wardrobe hanging storage things. And no sodding hot dog as a reward.

    Ian Mac

    23 Jan 06 at 4:00 pm

  4. I am devastated by your last sentence…

    All through the blog I was building up to the point where I finally find out about your new palns for the spare room and then it’s only mats, towels and cutlery. I imagined interesting props for your movies or something to develop a different purpose (what could that have been – getting all excited) for the room. I am disappointed…

    But then the observations at IKEa mostly hold true from Austria to Australia (in my experience) so they are neat in themselves… although I rarely stopped to eat there…

    Cheers

    Alex

    Anonymous

    23 Jan 06 at 5:12 pm

  5. Helllo again!

    Great that you could escape from IKEA!

    I suppose it really might be a strange place everywhere…
    nest-building-stressed couples, air smells like vanilla-fart, jostling and hyperventilating everywhere.

    I´ve been there just five times in my life.
    The first visit (being terribly tired even before): I was confused (not knowing that multitasking is written in capitals there) and unable to buy anything. Next time I slyly made a list of needed stuff before our prey.

    Go there only well prepared and decisive…and leave as fast as practicable.
    And please do not eat there – that is too intimate.

    Tanja

    23 Jan 06 at 7:21 pm

  6. I was at birthdayparty where we went to IKEA for hot-dogs. All the other customers hated us.

    We thought it was hillarious…and tasty

    Ggpurk

    23 Jan 06 at 7:52 pm

  7. haha true!
    mind you if I was homeless, I’d bring a paper cup along and drink Pepsi all day long, and scrounge for 50p every now and then for a hot dog

    (sofa bed / chairs / various rubbish we didn’t need but found along the way)

    Mark

    23 Jan 06 at 8:06 pm

  8. Ggpurk: You may laugh, but Ikea’s cheap food is actually providing sustenance to some pensioners and the unemployed. It’s cheaper for them to get the bus to Ikea and eat, and they get to meet people.

    In addition, the kids play areas are being used by parents as free daycare. Folks will come in, drop off their kids, and leave the store immediately to run errands and shop elsewhere. Once, the Ikea staff still had one kid there an hour after closing. The parents had just forgotten.

    Sadly, I think I read this in The Independent online a few weeks ago, so it’ll be inaccessible. But I swear it’s true. I’m even a little that way inclined myself: I get a fair bit of use from the free paper tape measures they have in store.

    pauldwaite

    23 Jan 06 at 8:28 pm

  9. What Paul said was in the German news as well.

    If anyone is interested you can read the English version of the “Spiegel” article here:
    http://tinyurl.com/c8sq9

    Merete

    24 Jan 06 at 6:39 pm

  10. Ikea is the ultimate test if the guy (or girl) you profess to love more than anyone else is really the One you should spend the rest of your life with.
    Me and my husband nearly always get into an argument (Do we really need a kitchen? Buy the %&?§!! shelves, dammit! It’s only 5 Euro, so take it or leave it!).
    When that’s done, we get a hotdog.
    It’s like that old rule of never going to sleep when you’ve not made up after a fight… never leave Ikea without the hotdog.

    Anonymous

    2 Feb 06 at 2:14 pm

  11. recently, on my first visit to Ikea, I observed children with funny names such as ‘Forrest’. In my opinion a name says more about the parents than the kid, and I rekon these guys liked that ‘Gump’ movie.
    I was happy to get a free pencil. They are a good size.

    myf

    18 Feb 06 at 11:27 am

Leave a Reply