Flip Flop Flying

World Cup pizza

with 19 comments

Apparently, there’s a World Cup about to begin here in Germany. Not that you’d know it from every fucking shop having some tenuous link to it in their window (World Cup soap! World Cup bicycle chain! World Cup angina pills).
Over the past couple of days the rubbish bins attached to lamp posts have been re-designed with some all-over sticker thing that, ha ha, looks like a goal, so, like, you’re scoring a goal when you put your rubbish in the bin. Genius.
Last night I ordered a pizza online. I’m not proud of it, but I wanted some stodgy cheesiness. Despite their banner ads – Pizza Is Coming Home – I didn’t go for one of Call a Pizza‘s World Cup-themed pizzas. Thirty two of them, each representing a team playing in the World Cup with its toppings. Here’s a picture of them all.

Germany: salami and cheese
Simple. Classic. Straight forward. Efficient.

Costa Rica: ham, pineapple and extra cheese
It’s a bit tropical there, thus pineapple.

Poland: mushrooms and feta cheese.
This one screams: damn! Greece didn’t qualify!

Ecuador: ham, mushrooms and jalapeños.
Near the equator, so, err, ham, and… err, mushrooms, and, err, something hot?

Argentina: spicy beef, onions and extra cheese
“That’s where they make cows, innit?”

Ivory Coast : spicy beef, sweetcorn and jalapeños
No elephants?

England: bacon and eggs
Oi! oi! oi! Wallop! Roll aaaht the barrel! I want extra chips on top. And a nice cuppa tea to wash it daaaaahn.

Paraguay: bacon and jalepeños
The guy who thought of the idea to do World Cup pizzas is now sweating a bit cos he’s running out of possible toppings, and he realises his geography isn’t so good.

Trinidad and Tobago: salami and chili peppers
“Err, dunno. Dieter, can you call your black mate, see what he likes?”

Angola: spinach and gorgonzola
I’ve never been to Angola. I know virtually nothing about Angola, but I’m guessing that Call a Pizza are assuming that’s the case with their topping choices here.

Iran: curry sauce, “curry chicken breast,” pineapple and extra cheese
Iran… it’s nearly an anagram of India…

Schweden: salami, ham, mushrooms and chili peppers
C’mon, dude: go to IKEA, have a look around the food section; you could’ve chosen meatballs for fuck’s sake.

Serbia & Montenegro: ham, mushrooms, olives, artichokes and chili peppers
How I pray that this one comes already cut in half. Or with half of the toppings on one Serbian side; the others on the Montenegrin side.

Netherlands: Hollandaise sauce, ham, asparagus, cheese
Hollandaise sauce. Good choice. Shame Turkey didn’t qualify, huh?

Mexico: Salami, Jalapeño and Tabasco sauce
Wahey! Here’s a pizza that comes quite close to being correct.

Portugal: Ham, spinach and an egg
Random ingredients surely?

Italy: Tomato, mozzarella and fresh basil
A fairly classic pizza, so that’s fine. Plus the bonus of the toppings being the same colour as the Italian flag.

Ghana: honey mustard sauce, cheese, chicken, mandarins and mozzarella
?

Brazil: broccoli, onions, peppers, sweetcorn and olives
“C’mon gang! Think of something a bit samba-y!” Broccoli and sweetcorn surely just there for their colour.

Croatia: spicy barbeque sauce, bacon and onions
Another random variation, I suspect.

France: Hollandaise sauce, asparagus, peppers, artichoke and cheese
Surely you could’ve done better here.

USA: BBQ sauce, cheese, salami, beef, more cheese, onions and bacon.
Germany’s calling you a fat fuck, America.

Czech Republic: Hollandiase sauce, cheese, salami, bacon, broccoli and peppers
“Oh God, what do they eat there?”

Australia: Mozzarella, rocket, Parma ham, parmesan
“Do we have any kangeroo steaks back there? No? Okay, chuck some ham on that Australian one, Ralf.”

Japan: Tuna and onions
They eat fish.

Saudi Arabia: Hollandaise sauce, cheese, spinach and mushrooms
“I’m getting bored of this now.”

Spain: salami and onions
C’mon, think! Tomatoes, at least.

Ukraine: ham and mushrooms
“Mum, I don’t wanna work at Call a Pizza any more!”

Tunisia: “seafood” and garlic
The German word “Meeresfrüchten” seems to mean seafood. Not sure if that’s vague enough. Whale? Dolphin? Shark?

Switzerland: Edam, mozzarella, feta and gorgozola
“Switzerland. Cheese. See what we did?”

South Korea: Tuna, onions and salami
“It’s close to Japan, isn’t it? Bung some salami on it, that’s different enough”

Togo: Barbeque sauce, cheese, salami, chicken, onions, peppers and sweetcorn
“Right, what’s left in the fridge?”

Written by Craig

June 1st, 2006 at 8:06 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

19 Responses to 'World Cup pizza'

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  1. haha, brilliant.

    courtney

    1 Jun 06 at 8:33 pm

  2. Love it! Thanks so much for the translations and witty commentary.

    Adam K.

    1 Jun 06 at 9:09 pm

  3. Christ, that photo of the Netherlands pizza makes it look like the remnants of an albino army battlefield. Are those…legs? Not appetizing.

    Anonymous

    1 Jun 06 at 10:06 pm

  4. I’m getting ready for dinner here in NYC, and I am hungry! I don’t think I’ve seen so many varieties of pizza toppings before. The ones with jalopenos kind of scare me, though.

    And of course when they came up with this “World Cup” theme, the people surely had to put some thought into what each country should have. I love the commentary.

    Great entry, Craig!

    lisa

    2 Jun 06 at 1:05 am

  5. *tears running from eyes from laughing*

    Here’s an idea:
    1. A voice recorder
    2. A pen
    3. A paper

    Take the Pizzaman aside, tell him you’re from the Berliner Morgenpost and make an in depth interview. “How did you come up with those toppings? Did you do it yourself or did you have a staff brain storm? Give me all the details…”
    Then come back here and give it to us.

    Here a pizza guy almost was thrown in jail for making an “Olympics pizza”. Big news. Finally IOC backed off.

    :)

    Elisabeth

    2 Jun 06 at 1:15 pm

  6. It’s good to laugh out out while eating breakfast…even if it means you almost choke on your oatmeal.

    b

    2 Jun 06 at 2:47 pm

  7. I know they didn’t qualify but don’t forget the Scottish pizza; take a pizza with topping of choice, bend in half and dip in batter, deep fry. Bet ‘Call a Pizza’ are glad they didn’t qualify.

    MichaelWho

    2 Jun 06 at 3:16 pm

  8. …which reminds me of the SNL sketch, Taco Town.

    Craig

    2 Jun 06 at 4:09 pm

  9. Late entry…
    You are just jealous because your life is so much harder with your pictorial atlas…

    very funny indeed

    cheers

    alex

    Anonymous

    2 Jun 06 at 5:21 pm

  10. VERY funny dude. Sweden and USA are my faves, but it’s hard to pick…

    Mark

    2 Jun 06 at 5:47 pm

  11. Meeresfr├╝chten actually means “sea-fruits”…
    Couldn’t you do a little movie on sea-fruit Craig???

    .

    2 Jun 06 at 9:18 pm

  12. OMIGOD it’s hilarious…I’m climbin back on my chair now…

    amy aka yvee

    3 Jun 06 at 1:25 am

  13. Craig, just send this to a paper. Please.

    Elisabeth

    3 Jun 06 at 8:31 am

  14. Craig,
    Hope you’re well.
    I had time to kill at heathrow airport the other day and popped in to their pie concession. Guess what – they’re having a Pie World Cup.
    Check it out here:
    http://www.squarepie.com/WCP%20Teams
    Maybe you should do a follow up post on pies.
    Where are you watching the game on Saturday then? Surely not at Call-a-Pizza.

    Ian Mac

    5 Jun 06 at 1:24 pm

  15. thanks for some fun time :)
    i can now trust germans don’t know anything about us brazylians. those ingredients actually sound like it might be the worst pizza ever. who ever eats broccoli anyway?

    Alexandre

    8 Jun 06 at 5:42 am

  16. @alexandre
    you should be thankful that they didn’t come up with cura├žao blue for the brazilian pizza topping ;) the colours! the colours!!

    hedy

    13 Jun 06 at 3:45 pm

  17. Hi craig. Hilarious! really great… I don’t know why but it didn’t occur to me until today (Germany vs. Sweden) to check out your blog… sorry. anyway, keep up the great work…

    yuko

    24 Jun 06 at 6:14 pm

  18. God lord. What friggin’ idiots. I’ve lived in Korea for almost 6 years. Tuna, onions and salami…wtf? What about garlic? beef? pork? I’ll leave the dog joke for someone else to make, but there are so many ingredients they could have chosen but didn’t. Clearly, these Call a Pizza chain folks haven’t been very far out of Germany. However, that doesn’t surprise me as when I went to Germany twice (once for a month of hell in Berlin) I was so disappointed at how maintstream most Germans were :( I can only get salami in here in Korea at Costco (big warehouse discount store for folks that don’t know what it is), through people with a military connection or at the department stores.

    I get frustration over World Cup this and World Cup that though. The same thing happened here in 2002. Hell, it happened this year too. Thanks for post as it was hilarious!

    Regina

    30 Jun 06 at 4:32 am

  19. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

    Anonymous

    30 Jun 06 at 4:40 am

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