Flip Flop Flying


with 12 comments

Like a toilet cistern after a flush, my brain is empty. But I need to get my brain started again, so here goes with a some random typing – one step up from those monkeys who fail to type Shakespeare’s complete works…

I was reading in bed last night, and my bookmark slipped free when I slightly loosened the grip on the front half of the book which was housing the bookmark. It hit the mattress, and slid down between the bed abd the wall. Even though I knew my hand wouldn’t fit down there, I tried to fish it out, mainly because I hoped it had somehow lodged itself within a scissor-finger-snip’s distance. But, no. The opposite was true. Not only had it gone down all they – I found out when investigating further this morning – but had also managed to slip down the tiny gap between the floorboards and the wall. I guess it’ll stay there forever, until it decomposes; maybe being used as an ironing board by a mouse in the meantime.

There are several things in life that you can’t really say out loud to other people. ‘Nazis are great,’ I would imagine, is one of those. Another thing you’re not really allowed by polite society and popular concensus to say, is anything bad about firemen. Firemen are brill! Well, maybe; and if I’m ever rescued from my burning flat after I’ve fallen asleep with a fag in my hand, I will concur. But for now, firemen – Berlin firemen, specifically the ones in Prenzlauer Berg – are fuckers. Twice in the past few days, I’ve been waiting to cross a road (not at a junction, just in the middle of a long straight road; nowhere near a junction, in fact) and right at the moment the fire engine had got to the point where it was about to speed past me, they’ve turned on their sirens. One of those times, I even saw a fireman watching for my reaction out of the window and smiling maliciously. Bastards.

And here’s a list of Billys that my darling spaniel wasn’t named after: Billy Idol, Billy Connolly, Billy Graham, Billy Joel, Billy Bremner, Billy Bob Thornton, Billy the Kid, Billy Corgan, Billy Elliott, Billy Fury, Billy Bunter, or Billy Ocean.

Written by Craig

August 13th, 2006 at 10:17 am

Posted in Uncategorized

12 Responses to 'Flushed'

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  1. Billy Piper?


    13 Aug 06 at 22:45

  2. There are a lot of firemen that hang out at the bakery in front of my house and I don’t like them much either. My friend’s brother is a fireman and she said that all they do all day is cruise around checking out women.

    On the plus side, I am very glad that your dog was not named after Billy Graham, that would be a little bit disturbing.


    14 Aug 06 at 03:19

  3. Fireman – I hate to be pedantic, but it is Billie Piper, not Billy Piper.

    Emily – I noticed that in New York too. But then NY fireman seem to be one step underneath God in the public’s view over there. All they seem to need to do is stand around next to the fire engine and passing woman will go all jelly legs.


    14 Aug 06 at 13:14

  4. Yeah but your dog is not called Billie so the joke wouldn’t work.

    And come off it Craig, you LOVE being pedantic.

    Bill E Gene

    14 Aug 06 at 14:02

  5. Maybe the firemen are just mistaking you for a girl and are trying to get your attention because they think you’re cute?


    14 Aug 06 at 14:20

  6. Or maybe they are gay?


    14 Aug 06 at 14:21

  7. …or attracted to spaniels?


    14 Aug 06 at 14:30

  8. Nah, I don’t think so. If they wanted to make out with dogs they could just take the one at home but a cute little English bloke… They are hard to come by in Berlin. I think they fancy you.


    14 Aug 06 at 14:37

  9. Can’t say much about those firemen bastards, they’re pricks.

    However, I stayed in Prenzlauer Berg when I was in Berlin last right across from a park and a tower of some sort I believe. I really liked the neighborhood as there were tons of little cafes and shops all around. I didn’t however like the reactions I got from some folks as I was walking around. Granted, these were rare during the four weeks I stayed there. But they made me feel distinctly like they would have preferred to see me in the area of the city where the black folks live.

    It’s one reason I’d choose other cities over Berlin. Now I have another, the Prenzlauer Berg firemen are assholes.


    15 Aug 06 at 12:09

  10. Merete – Well, I guess I’m in luck then; they’ve sure got some big hoses…

    EJ – Wow, that happened in P’berg? I’d have thought this was one of the more culturally diverse and nicer areas of Berlin. I mean, you hear things about parts of the outskirts of Berlin where having any kind of darkness to the skin would make life dangerous, but here? That’s pretty depressing.


    16 Aug 06 at 11:53

  11. what about Billy Wilder?


    24 Aug 06 at 16:41

  12. Not him either.


    24 Aug 06 at 16:57

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