Internal monologue
There’s a New Era baseball cap store in Berlin. I’ve got more than enough caps already (36), but I wasn’t wearing one on Monday, and I caught a glimpse of my shit hair in a shop window, so I walked into the New Era store, telling myself that I’d just have a quick look. But it was way too easy to convince myself that I should buy a new one. A New York Yankees 59FIFTY On-Field cap. Because, even though I’ve got four other Yankee caps, the only one I have with me (the others are either in a suitcase at my Mum’s house or in a box in Bellingham waiting to be shipped to Berlin) is the one with the commemorative 2009 Inaugural Stadium patch on the back, and I quite fancied a regular one.
Anyway, I motion to the wall of 59FIFTY On-Field caps, and ask the guy for a Yankee cap, size seiben und… and my mind couldn’t find how to say “five-eighths” in German (yes, I know: big head). He prompted me, “In English?” I told him my size. He opened the magic wall, and inside were shelves of different sized caps. And then he said, “You want it in this colour?” in a way that inferred that I could get something way more exciting than the blue-with-white-logo cap.
“Of course,” I said. As he walked back to the counter, a monologue continued in my head. Of course I want the On-Field cap; do I really look like the sort of person who would want to propagate this absurd fashion cap trend with red Yankee caps, multi-coloured Yankee caps, and, God help us all, camo Yankee caps. Of course I want the dark blue cap, you fool; this is a New York Yankees baseball cap, something to be proud of, not just a piece of tat to plop on my head to complete a “look.” And while I’m here, that two-tone grey Giants cap you’re wearing is wrong. It should be black with an orange logo. And you can take the sticker off the bill, you juvenile doofus.
“Can I pay with Visa?”
damn i want one too.
but a nearly 800km trip to berlin is a little to much.
but you're right about the color. those clown hats are are a royal pain in the ass.
Anonymous
3 Sep 09 at 14:07
…you wouldn't have shit-hair, if you'd just let it grow. You have lovely hair.
~Barbara~
3 Sep 09 at 15:58
i'm not sure where you stand on your iphone app developing, but it would be cool to have a cap app… like your ballcap watch.. maybe?
yuko
3 Sep 09 at 17:27
I've been meaning to ask.
Just how much money do you HAVE?
Hopping from country to country, buying hats on a whim….
Rob Ess
3 Sep 09 at 23:38
Thanks, Kraig.
Yuko: not even considering going near an iPhone app development idea until those cunts sort their fucking approval shitting process out. Yes, I'm still angry.
Rob: mind your own fucking business.
Craig
4 Sep 09 at 07:47
now that last one was a really rude comment on an obviously ironic one….
Anonymous
4 Sep 09 at 09:35
Sorry. No need to offend…
Rob Ess
4 Sep 09 at 22:33
The multicolored Yankee cap… making me woozy… the colors, man, the colors…
Dana C Constance
5 Sep 09 at 02:17
Anon: it wasn't "ironic." It may have been light-hearted, but it wasn't ironic. Look at the word in a dictionary. Learn what it means before you use it.
How's that for rude?
Craig
5 Sep 09 at 09:49