Let’s vote again. This time, though, I will do it, instead of Mr. Blobby and his gout-ridden mates.
I’ll still call myself FIFA, but it’ll stand for Football is Fucking Awesome.
Belgium and Netherlands
The weed and Duvel World Cup bid. Yep, that’s two things in its favour.
Urgh, it’d be wrong of me to vote for this country’s bid.
Apparently, it’s a mafia state, so you get knocked off the voting right away. Plus, really, much as I’d like to visit some places in Russia, I’m not that arsed about doing so during a football tournament.
Portugal and Spain
Nice weather: you win.
I’m sorry, (funny how people start a sentence with the words “I’m sorry” when most of the time they don’t mean it), I’m sorry Australia, but your football kit has really really ugly colours and you call yourselves the Socceroos. Two concrete reasons why you should never have a World Cup.
Hold on, get to the back of the queue, you’ve had your turn. Both of you.
Go fuck yourself. Seriously, fuck off, come back in a thousand years and you can still fuck off. Fuck. Off. Fuck off. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuckingly Fuck Off.
United States of America
Gets my vote for being the best of a bad bunch, really.
Decision made, without wasting millions of dollars. Easy peasy.