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Tellies

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I went to a cafe for breakfast this morning. Feeling a bit under the weather and no real food in the fridge. So, it’s 8am and like way, way, way too many cafes they have TVs blaring. It’s on a music channel. VH1, I think. This is what was on while I ate my chilaquiles and drank piss-weak coffee.

“Rollin’” by Limp Bizkit
Really? At 8am? I never liked Limp Bizkit. Mostly because I have a brain inside my skull. The interesting thing about this song, I think, is, if this is their big hit, their most commercially appealing song, how awful must the album filler tracks and b-sides be?

“Truly Madly Deeply” by Savage Garden
A song that is pretty much as insipid as it is possible to be. If music were paint, this song is the jar of water you wash watercolour brushes in.

“Return of the Mack” by Mark Morrison
He’s got quite a nasal voice. I watched that Stevie Nicks clip I linked to a few weeks back quite a bit recently. And I’ve been listening to Pulp quite a bit, too. Stevie Nicks obviously has a fantastic voice. And in a different way, so does Jarvis Cocker. I can’t for the life of me, though, figure out how Mark Morrison was ever allowed near a microphone. Horrible singing voice.

“The NeverEnding Story” by Limahl
Something I never ever realised: that the title of this song – and its parent movie – features a camel case word. The origin of Limahl’s name is one of those pop facts that pretty much everyone knows, isn’t it? And it seems to me to be the sort of thing you could only really get away with in the Eighties.

“Oh Carolina” by Shaggy
I imagine that if you were a woman being hit on by Shaggy, you’d not be able to get the smell of aftershave off your clothes for ages. I also image he leaves a slimy trail like a slug.

Some song by Tuna Turner
My iPod autocorrected Tina to Tuna. Thought I’d leave it in. Not sure what the song was called, by she was dancing next a really big model of a man’s foot. Her hair took up the whole of the TV screen when there’s a close up of her face and shoulders.

“The Sweater Song” by Weezer
This TV station is nuts. All over the place. I keep on buying Weezer albums. It’s kinda dumb. First one was great, second album was even better, third album was okay, and since then there’s only really been a handful of good songs on the following five albums. Yet I still buy them, on the off chance there’s something as good as Pinkerton again.

“Romeo and Juliet” by Dire Straits
I love Dire Straits and I don’t care who knows it.

It’s a poor state of affairs that we’ve found ourselves in, where televisions are the easy, default option for “atmosphere” in most cafes and bars. Apart from when there’s a major sports event on, or maybe some massive breaking news, really, who wants a TV on in a bar or cafe? It makes no sense. We have TVs at home. We usually have access to a six pack or bottle of whiskey if we want to drink at home in front of a telly. It’s time to get rid of TVs. Until there’s something I want to watch, then I’ll bitch and moan that nowhere is showing the Liverpool game.

Written by Craig

August 21st, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Posted in Blah blah

One Response to 'Tellies'

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  1. I love it when you rant. It makes me happy.

    Lisa

    25 Aug 11 at 12:01 am

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