Flip Flop Flying

Last Christmas

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We need to talk about George Michael. Specifically about “Last Christmas.”

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

First off, let’s assume when George Michael uses the word “Christmas” he means Christmas Day. If he was referring to the holiday season in general, it’s unlikely he’d mention “the very next day.” Unless, of course, he’s referring to the 6th of January, the day after the Twelve Days of Christmas.

It must’ve been a terrible Christmas for both George and the women in question. I suppose they might have been casually dating up until that point, then George—not unreasonably—decides to tell her he loves her on Christmas Day.

Now, if she is planning on getting together with someone else the very next day, she must’ve been on the verge of splitting up with George. I guess she might not have wanted to ruin the day, which is somewhat understandable. It’s a difficult situation to be in, especially if she was planning on getting together with someone who is in the same band as George. Awkward.

The lyrics don’t really say that, though. They say that she gave George’s heart away the very next day. I’m not sure how this is possible. Who did she give it to? A friend? Someone on the street? A charity shop?

Also, ladies: I’d be wary of a man who, one year after giving his heart to a woman on Christmas Day, is planning on giving his heart to someone else in a similar fashion this Christmas. To save himself from tears, apparently. This seems like worrisome behaviour, frankly. It’s clearly taken him a long time to get over the woman from last Christmas—and I wonder if he actually is over her, considering he’s written a song telling her this—and now with the festive season here, he’s looking for “someone special” to give his heart to again. George, man: you can’t rush things along just so that you can tell them you love them on the 25th of December.

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance

Right here, I’d like to know why you’re lying, George. We’ve all seen the video: you’re in a chalet in Switzerland having a Christmas holiday with your friends, and she’s there with Andrew. That’s not distance.

But you still catch my eye

Not surprising, really. Even if you’re behaving yourself, you’ve gotta be polite. She’s your band-mate’s girlfriend. And nobody wants you to ruin the Christmas vacation.

Tell me baby
Do you recognise me?

Well, yes, I’d imagine she does: you’re the singer in her boyfriend’s band, and on Christmas Day last year, YOU GAVE HER YOUR HEART. You don’t look that different, either. Your hair’s a bit longer and it’s blonder than it was, but you still look like the same guy.

Well if it’s been a year
It doesn’t surprise me

If it’s been a year”? C’mon, George, you’ve already shown you know when you gave her your heart and that it’s Christmas again now. And the “it doesn’t surprise me” stuff comes across as self-pity, and a little passive-aggressive.

“Merry Christmas”
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying “I love you”
I meant it
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you kissed me now
I know you’d fool me again

You said you’d keep your distance. Don’t go raking over it all again. You clearly aren’t over her, you want her to kiss you again, but you’re scared that if she did, you’d be hurt again. I can understand that. But look across the room, man: she’s with Andrew now. To be perfectly honest, George, it doesn’t seem like that good an idea, you coming on this holiday. You should’ve visited your family.

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Oooooh
Oh oh baby

George, for you own good, you’ve gotta stop thinking of her as your “baby.” And once again, this indicates that you shouldn’t be searching for somebody to give your heart to this Christmas. Plus, you’re in this chalet with a group of friends, and you’re looking for someone new now? Here? Yet you’ve spent a not-insignificant amount of time mooning at last year’s woman. It just doesn’t add up, man.

Crowded room
Friends with tired eyes
I’m hiding from you
And your soul of ice

I think you might have had enough to drink, George. Insulting her isn’t going to do you any favours. Plus, I imagine this is all quite awkward for Andrew, too, and if you keep on insulting his girlfriend, he’s gonna be pissed off with you.

My god I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

Stop it, George. Stop it now. You’re sounding like an irrational dick. It’s not attractive.

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart

Gibberish. Stop drinking.

Ooh ooh
Now I’ve found a real love you’ll never fool me again

Woah! What? You’ve found a real love? Who is this person? You’ve spent three minutes telling us that a) you are over her, b) that you’re not actually over her, c) you are looking for someone new, and now d) that you’ve already found a real love.

But, I guess I could have been wrong. When you said “This year to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special” I assumed you meant you were looking for someone. Maybe you already have someone who you are seeing. Still doesn’t explain why you’re spending so much time looking across the room at your ex and Andrew. Does this real love know about what happened last Christmas? I hope you’ve told her. Because if not, someone in this room will have told her about it, and she’s probably not gonna be best pleased about you keeping it from her.

Incidentally, in the video, there’s a flashback moment, when we see you giving her a sparkly, flower-shaped brooch. Let’s leave aside the fact that you both look exactly the same as you do in the present, and we know from the “Club Tropicana” video that you had different hair last year. That aside, why are you going back to the same place where such an awkward moment happened for both of you? You keep saying that you want to be saved from tears this year. Going back to a chalet where you were dumped on Boxing Day seems somewhat masochistic.

But I’m starting to wonder about this woman, too. I can understand that if you’re not over her, you’re gonna be glancing across the room, but she seems to be doing it back. Maybe she wants you to still like her. And that doesn’t sound good for you or Andrew. Which brings us back to the brooch. You gave it to her last Christmas, presumably with a note saying “I love you” attached to it. And now in this chalet, Andrew is wearing it on his jacket!? What the hell is going on with you people? I hope Andrew doesn’t realise the significance of that brooch, because if he does, your band is in trouble.

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Special

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart (Gave you my heart)
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Next year I’ll give it to someone
I’ll give it to someone special

Special

You keep saying “special.” It just seems bitchy. You’re telling this woman, Andrew’s girlfriend, your ex, that she’s not special. But maybe you’re right, though, George. I don’t know what to believe. You both seem a bit messed up in the head about your relationship.

Someone someone
I’ll give it to someone, I’ll give it to someone special
Who’ll give something in return
I’ll give it to someone
Hold my heart and watch it burn

Really? Obviously, you are not literally expecting anyone to hold your heart in their hands and watch it burn. That would be ridiculous. And it’s against the law. Plus, the person holding a burning heart would likely suffer severe burns to their hands.

I’ll give me to someone, I’ll give it to someone special
I’ve got you here to stay
I can love you for a day

A day!? That’s what this is all about? You just wanna love someone for one day? Christmas Day? I realise that, rightly or wrongly, it’s illegal in a lot of places, but it seems to me that a pop star like you could just go to a high class escort agency and find someone to spend Christmas Day with.

I thought you were someone special
Gave you my heart
I’ll give it to someone, I’ll give it to someone
Last christmas I gave you my heart
You gave it away
I’ll give it to someone, I’ll give it to someone

Well, thankfully, that’s over. I like you, George. You seem like a decent chap, and you’ve written some splendid pop songs. I hope you can get over this woman. It doesn’t seem healthy obsessing about her. But, heartbreak is always good material for songs, isn’t it? So at least there’s that.

Written by Craig

December 2nd, 2012 at 11:49 am

Posted in Blah blah,Music

5 Responses to 'Last Christmas'

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  1. Heard this in the super-market yesterday. Thought of you!

    Barbara

    2 Dec 12 at 1:04 pm

  2. You seem to have made not only incorrect gender assumptions in your otherwise intriguing analysis, but to have ignored what we know, with certainty, about George Michael’s sexuality.
    Notwithstanding this flaw the sentiments are otherwise effectively deconstructed. I have always had my doubts about the lack of lyrical rigour in this song which we are apparently condemned to eternally tolerate.

    Gary Rudd

    2 Dec 12 at 4:10 pm

  3. Of course I know about George Michael’s sexuality. And I also know that he wasn’t openly gay until well into the 1990s. “Last Christmas” was released in 1984. The video, should you care to watch it, clearly has a woman as the object of George’s interest. So, y’know, it’s not a flaw.

    Craig

    3 Dec 12 at 4:25 pm

  4. Bit bored Robbo?

    Kev

    6 Dec 12 at 12:37 pm

  5. Clearly.

    Craig

    6 Dec 12 at 2:05 pm

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