Flip Flop Flying

3,227: Well done

with 4 comments

Went to a burger restaurant at the weekend with a couple of friends. Not gonna mention the name, but I imagine if you’ve spent time in Berlin, you’ll know which one I’m talking about cos most people tend to think of it as one of the better burger places in the city.

I don’t eat meat any more, so I had a lentil burger. The people I was dining with, though, had beef burgers. When it comes to how you want it done, the menu advises you thusly:

First: it’s a burger not a fucking steak.

Second, and most importantly: how the customer wants to eat a burger is up to them, not you. Stop trying to shame the people who have chosen to spend money in your restaurant into spending their money exactly how you want them to spend it.

If you only want people to have it medium rare or medium, don’t serve anything else and see how quickly your fucking business fails.

I don’t give a fuck if the chef “hates” me. He’s being paid to cook what is on the menu, and well done is on the menu. My friends both ordered it medium and it arrived more or less rare. (I spoke to another friend about it, and they have had the same experience, and thus always order well done burgers now.)

Let’s also pause and look at all those bloody question marks. And ew, this frame background thingy is gross:

Aside from more well done shaming, for the vast majority of diners, this is not their first burger. We’ve all been to McDonald’s and Burger King. We’ve all eaten a sandwich. We know that we can use our hands.

It’s not edgy or rock ‘n’ roll or sticking it to the man or giving polite society the middle finger to eat a burger with your hands. It’s entirely normal.

But, if the burger is too big to hold without it slopping out all over the plate, people often cut it in half, and with most burger places, this means ending up with a load of misaligned burger content all over the plate.

(While we’re on the topic: burgers should be wider than they are tall. This should be a law.)

Using a knife and fork doesn’t make you uptight. I ate my lentil burger (tasty, as it goes) with a knife and fork in the hope that it would drive them crazy.

And when I finished, my hands were still clean.

A wee bit of artwork

The song in my head when I woke up this morning
I Don’t Want Control of You by Teenage Fanclub

On this day
My new gaff, 9 February 2015

Here’s an interesting Wikipedia article
Robust statistics

Flip Flop Flyin’ Flip Flop Fly Ball
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Written by Craig

February 9th, 2017 at 1:41 am

Posted in Artwork,Blah blah

4 Responses to '3,227: Well done'

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  1. The chef’s opinion about how a burger should be is probably a factor that contributes to it being considered ‘as one of the better burger places in the city’, and I find it hard to summon the outrage for a perceived cuit-shaming. There’d be no point reviewing restaurants if the customer could specify how they want their food prepared just because they’ve chosen to spend their money there. That leaves no room for style or opinion.

    I imagine you also have opinions on, or styles of, work when someone commissions you to produce something, and if they send some pixel portrait back saying ‘i wanted it to look more like renoir’ then you could justifiably suggest they go somewhere else rather than having to bend to their whim. I’d have thought, anyway.

    As for the language, well that’s just jolly-serious berlin hipsters. I left p-berg about the time they put up that cafe with a bollard in the doorway to stop mums with buggies. The city is a magnet for people with strong aesthetic opinions and low salaries who have time to worry about this stuff.

    I agree with you on Robinson’s Law of burger aspect ratio.


    9 Feb 17 at 06:38

  2. Thanks, Ed. I see your point.

    Where did you go to after P-Berg, out of interest?

    It feels to me, though, the comparison would be more like me saying I am able to draw a portrait of you in:
    pixel style (recommended)
    iPad style (highly recommended)
    acylic paint
    Crayola (but I will hate you if you choose this one)


    9 Feb 17 at 07:00

  3. Stockholm for a bit (lovely, but a bit expensive) and I’ve been on Oxford for the last 5 years with work. It’s a nice city but perhaps a bit small, but very close to London. I was in Buenos Aires in Jan and liked it very much, I could be tempted if there was some work there that I could do.

    Could I have a crayola Maurpark?


    10 Feb 17 at 04:20

  4. Nice. I know what you mean about Buenos Aires. Lovely city, innit? Would love to spend more time there.

    I was thinking about getting some oil pastels, actually. Not had a go with them for quite a while. Close enough?


    10 Feb 17 at 04:25

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