Went to a burger restaurant at the weekend with a couple of friends. Not gonna mention the name, but I imagine if you’ve spent time in Berlin, you’ll know which one I’m talking about cos most people tend to think of it as one of the better burger places in the city.
I don’t eat meat any more, so I had a lentil burger. The people I was dining with, though, had beef burgers. When it comes to how you want it done, the menu advises you thusly:
First: it’s a burger not a fucking steak.
Second, and most importantly: how the customer wants to eat a burger is up to them, not you. Stop trying to shame the people who have chosen to spend money in your restaurant into spending their money exactly how you want them to spend it.
If you only want people to have it medium rare or medium, don’t serve anything else and see how quickly your fucking business fails.
I don’t give a fuck if the chef “hates” me. He’s being paid to cook what is on the menu, and well done is on the menu. My friends both ordered it medium and it arrived more or less rare. (I spoke to another friend about it, and they have had the same experience, and thus always order well done burgers now.)
Let’s also pause and look at all those bloody question marks. And ew, this frame background thingy is gross:
Aside from more well done shaming, for the vast majority of diners, this is not their first burger. We’ve all been to McDonald’s and Burger King. We’ve all eaten a sandwich. We know that we can use our hands.
It’s not edgy or rock ‘n’ roll or sticking it to the man or giving polite society the middle finger to eat a burger with your hands. It’s entirely normal.
But, if the burger is too big to hold without it slopping out all over the plate, people often cut it in half, and with most burger places, this means ending up with a load of misaligned burger content all over the plate.
(While we’re on the topic: burgers should be wider than they are tall. This should be a law.)
Using a knife and fork doesn’t make you uptight. I ate my lentil burger (tasty, as it goes) with a knife and fork in the hope that it would drive them crazy.
And when I finished, my hands were still clean.
A wee bit of artwork
The song in my head when I woke up this morning
I Don’t Want Control of You by Teenage Fanclub
On this day
My new gaff, 9 February 2015
Here’s an interesting Wikipedia article