Archive for the ‘Silly’ Category
I made a wee audio intro for my talk at Centro art school yesterday. It goes a little something like this.
I wouldn’t walk 500 miles.
And I wouldn’t walk 500 more.
Not to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door.
Because, well, a thousand miles is a really long way. I mean, if humans walk at around 3 mph, then that’s, what, 330-odd hours of walking. Even if I walked for 12 hours a day, that’s still 28 days of walking and with all the will in the world, luv, that’s very unlikely to happen. Apart from anything, I only get 20 paid days off work a year, and it would use up all of them, and that means we won’t be able to go to Mykonos in July. It seems—no matter how much I love you, and I really really do love you, so don’t take this the wrong way—a bit of a waste of my time, and of time we could spend together on holiday in Greece.
Plus, if I was walking for a month, I’d have to either carry camping equipment which would slow me down or it’ll be really expensive to pay for four weeks of hotels. If you really want me to travel a thousand miles to see you, it’d be way quicker to fly. Take the train or the car, at least. It’d only be a few hours on the plane. And I could drive it in three days or so. That’d be fine.
Aside from anything, petal, it’s not possible for me to actually be a thousand miles away from you in Britain without having to cross water. Would those miles count? Or would I have to walk a thousand miles and add the ferry journey on top?
A thousand miles.. that’s like Helsinki, Warsaw, Vienna or something. So, my dear, light of my life, considering we’re both sat here on the sofa right now, couldn’t we just agree that in theory, I’d walk a thousand miles? Couldn’t we agree on that? And I’ll make us a cup of tea at the break. And if you want I could give you a foot rub, too.
Any idea if there’s anything good on On Demand?
Brief conversations between sea-based creatures and their land-based namesakes.
SEA HORSE: You’re quite a majestic creature. I am happy we share a name.
HORSE: Yep, me too, actually. You’re very pretty.
SEA LION: You’re the king of the jungle, right? Awesome! I am happy we share a name, although I think you might be a tad disappointed with me.
LION: Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a wee bit perplexed, but you seem nice enough.
SEA URCHIN: You’re a bit dirty. Maybe you’d smell nicer if you had a wash, young man.
URCHIN: Cor blimey, guv’nor, if it ain’t a talkin’ spikey thing! Spare us a shilling?
CAT FISH: I’ve seen you on the Internet, you’re funny. You can has cheezburger! LOL!
CAT: Oh shush, you damn fool, I’m trying to take a nap.
SEA CUCUMBER: Really? A fucking vegetable?
CUCUMBER: Well actually, I taste marvellous in a fancy English sandwich at afternoon tea.
SEA OTTER: Oh, we kinda look the same. I can see why we’ve got the same name. So what’s the deal? You don’t like salt?
OTTER: Watching my sodium, dude.
SPERM WHALE: Yeah, right. It’s all a big joke to you, isn’t it? Arty beardy speccy-four-eyes man writing crap about animals on his bloody Web site, thinking it’s all a great big joke… What, not got any baseball to watch today, you boring fucking nerdy loser?
Sadly I spent too much time changing the settings on my camera and missed a good deal of the chasing that was going on. The bird kept flying out of reach, but then coming back to continue. I caught the tail end of them playing, and a whole lot more of the squirrel amusing him/herself.
Click here to see full image.
Damn girl you are so sweet and humble!
Damn girl scout cookies can’t stop eaying ya…nom nom nom
Damn girl stop throwing yourself @ this dude.
Damn girl u luv u sum burgerz huh? Lol
damn girl…2 hours? Smh yall females
Damn girl busted again
Damn girl, your taking forever to come back
damn girl i hope everything works out
damn girl! Ahaha i could easily say the same.
damn girl we use to be friends
Damn girl !! You know we gone get to it tooooooniiiiight toooooonight tooooniiight tooooniiiight!
damn girl get a job there
damn girl, you hurt my side when you said that….
damn girl u must b bored lol
Damn girl! Lol
damn girl, yu gained weight!!
damn girl you dont need this shit.
damn girl tv, couches wat else.
damn girl hand it over til i check out all the hotness :P
damn girl hahaha
damn girl i respect everything ur doing
damn girl where u stay at??
DAMN….GIRL WAT YOU TRYNNA DO?
damn girl damn yous a sexy chiiick
Damn girl, why aren’t we facebook friends?
Damn Girl! You’s A Sexy Chick!
damn girl you got ass like that I know I gotta follow you lol
Damn girl u broke.
Damn girl! I need to learn from you..except I have no booty so there goes that.
Damn girl, growl like a bear
Damn Girl, Is You Ever Gonna #ShutTheHellUp ?
Damn girl!!! I wanna b wit u 4eva!!
Previously: Battery’s dead
My battery’s dying, for those interested
fuck, the battery’s dying
Shitt, my battery’s dying :(
Ahhhh! My battery’s dying!
Ahhhh! Phone battery’s dying!
Uh-oh battery’s dying. =(
Frack! My battery’s dying!
Damn my battery’s dying
battery’s dying :’(
gahn battery’s dying
ok, battery’s dying, gotta go..
aww battery’s dying :| goodnightt :)
welp battery’s dying
My battery’s dying. . . Crap. :(
My battery’s dying fml
Lol, my phone battery’s dying.
Stupid battery’s dying
AAAAH GOD, MY BATTERY’S DYING!!
UGH… MY BATTERY’S DYING. . N0000000000000000000!
Battery’s dying!!!! Omg!!
Gutted! Battery’s dying
Urgh, my battery’s dying -.-
Got myself a döner kebab on the way home from the pub last night. With the shred of dignity that I had left, I used a plate. I scoffed it down, dripping the juice all over the plate, watched some Seinfeld, and fell asleep. When I got up this morning, I saw that the red cabbage-y stained drips of kebab juice had made a picture of a flamingo.